Monday, January 25, 2010

NYC trip

I wrote a whole blog on it that Blogger ate. I am not going to write it over. It sucked. Not because SD (sperm donor) was an was much more than that. When I have the energy to write about it again, I will. BTW - it was a great trip for Gillian because I think she saw her SD for what he is and won't really be pursuing any kind of long term relationship.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I love getting screwed....

So. My SSD end of the year forms come today and not only did they include the money my lawyer got, we were a couple of dollars over the limit of having my money be taxed. Now, I am hoping that because it clearly says on the sheet that X amount was for 2007 and X amount was for 2008 and then the rest was for 2009. I don't think that I should have to pay for money that I should have gotten in 2007 and 2008! I mean, I still had bills that I couldn't pay. I still have collection agencies calling because even though we took almost every single penny to repay bills that were just sitting there waiting to be paid, we won't have money to pay the IRS.

I hate money. There has to be a way for us to live without money. This is just so frustrating.

And you all know how I get just a little wigged out about traveling. Gillian and I leave on Friday for NYC. We are taking the train and then supposed to take the subway to Mitchell's apt. Gillian and I are both excited about spending time together and meeting Mitchell, but also a little nervous. I am just hoping that the weekend stay's relatively inexpensive. We are saving money like crazy to go to FL next month. We haven't had a vacation away since 2006 when we went to Cancun to celebrate MIL's 80th birthday. And she paid for that trip.

So we are driving from Syracuse NY to West Palm Beach and I am getting excited and also dreading it a little. I don't know how this body is going to hold up to a drive like that. We are going to have to try and make a little bed for me in the back so I can lay down. Both girls will be hooked up electronically so this should ease the pain. Wish me luck.

And last night I went into Katie's closet to get out the size 8 pants that I put away for when the 7's got too small and guess what? They were too small. The bright side is that I bought them from Mini Boden and they have a free return policy and they give me a credit for the entire amount that I spent on the pants. I wasn't going to get any spring, but Katie does need a bathing suit and some underwear (they have the best underwear for kids hands down) so I guess I will use my credit for that. I picked up a lot of 9's for next year during the warehouse sale, so I pulled them out and other than being a tad long, they fit fine. And I got a ton for summer this year, so I don't think I will have to get much other than a few neutral tee's and denim shorts!

This is so disjointed and random.....but that is how my mind is tonight. Sorry!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Coming to you from bed...pain and Cival Rights

Well, I have a big week coming up with a bigger weekend and I am probably going to be seeing the last of my naps, so I am taking the afternoon off. I sleep alot and spend a lot more time laying down that sitting or standing. I just can't do it. Often times I am spending my time laying in bed watching the Travel Channel, like I am doing now. I am watching Andrew Zimmerman, but the perky blond, Samantha Brown is my favorite!

Went to church this morning and sang in choir. One of the nice things about being in choir is that you get to do a lot of sitting and standing. I can't sit for long, remember....?

Yesterday I went to a seminar from an Institute down in FL on non-invasive back surgery. They go in with a tube and do laser surgery and put some little instruments down the tube to take things out, shave things down, etc. I have a lovely mass of scar tissue under one of my screw heads that is sitting on my Sciatica. Ouch isn't the word. It Hurts, A LOT! I am losing the function of my right leg, which of course is my driving leg and I don't think I am going to be walking very long. Which is an issue, because I can't sit. SO, I hope that I don't get bed ridden!

Enough of that stuff. Today in Adult Forum at church we had 2 people talk about their experiences during the Cival Rights movement. It's interesting because the book that I just finished reading, Alex Cross's Trial was about a real trial that happened during the Cival Rights movement. It breaks my heart to know that discrimination still happens today. I have worked long enough as a social worker to see discrimination first hand. My Grandfather used to say all the time, "I was poor and we just pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps and went to work and made something of ourselves!" No matter what I said......Like, "Well, you were Male and White and had options that African American's or Women had...He didn't want to hear it. He thought he was integrated because he had black friends...and that is what he would say, "My black friend...." I don't think I ever heard him say, "My white friend....." He didn't get it. Or maybe he couldn't. I think there were 2 things that made me the angriest. When my grandparents were getting ready to buy a house in FL, the town they picked was Steinhatchee. Why? Because the only black people were the one's who delivered stuff to town and left. WTF? Seriously? How could you live in such a place. The second was more mind blowing to me than that. When Gillian was 3, I took her to Springfield TN to visit my cousin. She and her husband owned an antique shop at first. Springfield is about a half hour north of Nashville. She proceeded to show me around town and then pointed out all the sites winding up in the "black" section of town. Yes, according to her, the blacks knew where to live and didn't live outside their area. WHAT? But I think the thing that stunned me the most was when we were in line at a grocery store and a black person moved out of line and let us go in front of him. I thought he was just being kind and mentioned this to my cousin afterwards and she just said, "Black people around here know better, whites go first" Again,.....WTF? My cousin really wanted me to move down there but no way was my daughter going to grow up in that kind of atmosphere.....I can't imagine it's gotten any better. So, so sad.

I had the awesome chance to work at an agency back in 2000-2002 where I was 1 of 3 white people who worked at an almsot all African American agency. It was strange at first, but it gave me a clue as to how it felt for someone who might be AA coming to work just about anywhere else. I laid low and learned more than I ever have. I learned that we didn't start the day until we ate breakfast. There was a woman who cooked every morning. Grits, eggs, toast, etc...and we had out morning meeting over breakdfast. Nothing was really timed. Home visits were done to other AA families but there were no set times. And they were accepted into AA homes much more readily than I was, no suprise there. But as time went on, the neighborhood knew who I was and I was accepted. I didn't have fear walking on the West Side (although Cheryl was) and never managed to get shot at. It was the best learning experience I have ever had.

So, this is long and I am ready to take a nap. Thanks for pulling up a chair and reading. Any questions?


Thursday, January 14, 2010

The BIG meetup!

As I alluded to in my Facebook status, Gillian and I are traveling to NYC next weekend to meet her sperm donor. Never in a million years would I have ever thought that we would even know who he is, let alone have the chance to meet him!

It all started when I contacted the Sperm Bank last year when she was so sick and wanting more medical infomation on her donor. They said that he actually wanted to be known to any of his off spring should they want to meet him. Lots of talks led to me sending a release to the Bank and then we got his name, e-mail address and we contacted him. I felt him out and thought he sounded like a nice guy. Has some books he's written, big time into holistic health and has traveled extensively regarding this issue. Also is a psychotherapist and acupuncturist. Since Gillian is going to be 18 this year, I gave her his e-mail address so that they could have whatever conversation they wanted. A few months ago we decided that we would meet. It's just going to be Gillian and I, as Cheryl is staying home with Katie. Don't need to confuse the 6 year old, who incidentally has a different donor than she does.

So, his name as you might know from Gillian's status, is Mitchell and we are taking the train to NYC next weekend to meet him. We are actually staying with him since it's so expensive to stay in Manhattan. I am nervous, excited and just wondering who this person is that is the other half of my daughter's genetics.....


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

No readers?

According to SiteMeter, where I keep my stats, no one is reading me as of now. My first reaction was to quit blogging and then my second was, hey, if no one is reading, then I can just let it all hang loose. I started this blog to journal my family's life, not thrill readers! So....

Gillian - is anxiously awaiting college letters to come. She has convinced herself that she is only going to get rejection letters, but I have a feeling that she will get accepted to all the schools that she applied to. She is so much like me. With the dramatic flair and all! I know that she is going to get into Smith and that she will end up going there. It is the perfect school for her. Oh! She up and she's in a bad mood folks! I can see where this day is going! Must be the bad mood bug going around...Katie woke up crying this morning too.

Katie - Continues to be very active in groups. She was waitlisted for swimming and is sitting this one out. She finally makes it to the next level and we have to start all over again in waiting to get her into a class. I hate that. She worked so hard. We are supposed to be taking her to the pool and actually getting in the water with her and start teaching her the skills. Well, I can't swim because of my pain patches and Cheryl is just too darn tired. Katie is really active in Girl Scouts too. It's cookie selling time. So, she is busy selling cookies and going to meeting which her leaders make really interesting. She is dealing with a bully in her class. It breaks my heart when she comes home and says the mean things this girl has been saying. I called the teacher because it's starting to get out of hand. And in 1st grade! I can't believe that I have another 11 years of this to go through again. Katie told me that they keep asking her in school....which one of your mother's is the Dad in your family. Nothing like trying to cram a family back into the mold eh? I asked her what she said and she said, "Mama". I knew she would!

Cheryl - Still working at Upstate and listening to me moan about wanting to move south. As in Southern PA/Northern MD. I can't stomach living in VA with their laws and all, although as a state I think it's pretty and wouldn't mind living there. But I think our second parent adoption would be null and void. Anyway, I keep asking her to try and find a job say in Key West, but she just has this thing about staying put.

And ME! I am still struggling with being disabled. I slept most of the day yesterday and really needed it. But then of course I feel guilty. I have sewing to do ya know? I have to exercise ya know....I have all these things that I have to do and I have no energy. I think I was a bear in a former life. Crawled into a cave and slept all winter and then roamed for food and ate all summer. Maybe we could learn something from the bears! All in all, other than the daily major pain I am my joints are involved, I am doing. I guess that is all I can say. I am doing.


Monday, January 11, 2010

Losing weight!

According to the Wii, I have lost 4 pounds. That was since it last weighed me 128 days ago, but recently I was at 124 and am down to 197! That is 7 pounds since the last time I was weighed at the MD last month! I am doing a happy dance and have to think that my decision to stop drinking soda and work out with the Wii has helped. I did some yoga today, but that really bothered my back. I did some work on my balancing and that seemed to be where I needed to be today. I am going to try and get to the Y tomorrow and walk the treadmill. I just have to remember to take it easy or I will pay for it later.

Cheryl and I talked and we agreed that I can't go into this with wanting to lose weight, but rather to be healthier. And that is what I really want. To be healthier. I am only going to gain weight back and be angry that I am depriving myself. Whoever gave me the tip to drink seltzer with flavor in it was a genius! That has worked for me really well.

So, I will be posting a lot about my journey to health. Last night our Sacred Circle met and had great discussion. I have some interesting home work to do for that for next month and I am really going to love it. I love going there. It's really a great group of women that I feel I have bonded to really well. I can talk with them about anything!

So, check back often for more updates. I am heading off to the sewing room to start working on Katie's sit upon for Girl Scouts. Shouldn't take me too long and with the new CD/Ipod player that Cheryl bought me for Christmas that plays excellently. I love the music coming out of there and when you play your Ipod on Shuffle you never know what you are going to hear!

I am still reading the Maximum Ride books by James Patterson. I am on The Final Warning. They are a great short read, more for teens, but I really like them. I have one more after this one and then a new one comes out in March. I need to make a dent on my piles upstairs. Too many books, too little time!

Till tomorrow!


Sunday, January 10, 2010

The every other day blog?

Maybe that is what I should name this? I hurt my arm/shoulder being on Facebook so much Thursday and Friday and I couldn't really sit on the computer yesterday. But I am doing Wii when I can't get to the gym, which is most days because it's warmer in the house than outside. Oh well, at least I am moving. And NO SODA! Still. I stared at it longingly today at Target but only for about 2 seconds. Then I moved on.

We are having some wonderful convo's on FB. It's been a blast from the past and sad. Sad that so many of us felt so left out. We could have been a clic all to ourselves. It's weird how it's a level playing field when you are on FB!

Church was wonderful today. Katie was acolyte and didn't light the pastor's hair on fire! All was good. My good friend Dorothy did the children's story and it was a great on about not keeping mad and hate in your heart. Some of the adults we actually talking about it afterwards.

I love singing in choir. I really, really do. The only thing I don't like is that I have to go out in the freezing cold. Why does it have to be so cold? Today we are off to my niece's birthday party and then I quick stop at home to eat and then out to Sacred Circle tonight. Now that is one group that I NEVER miss because of the cold or anything else for that matter. It's the group that gets me through the week and month!

Back to school for the girls tomorrow. Well for Katie. Gillian has been sick with a sore throat and fever, so we might be heading to the MD to check for strep. That is, if she still is sick. I haven't seen her all weekend since she pretty much stay's at her girlfriend's house all weekend and her phone died. She's almost 18, so I figure that if she needs me, she knows how to get ahold of me!

Talk with you all tomorrow. I might actually have something worth posting to post!


Friday, January 08, 2010

Painful High School experiences

I started a post yesterday on FB about high school and not fitting in. I think it got up to about 80 posts from other people who felt the same way. Today, it's morphed into being bullied in school. WHAT THE FUCK people? Seriously, why did it have to be that way? I also confronted one of the twins that used to assault me on the way home from school only to have her say that she has no idea of who I am and that I must have her mixed up with someone else from school. No way missy. You know what you and your sister did to me day in and day out. Shame on you. Stand up and say you're sorry for what you did. Own it. And explain why? What was it about me that you felt gave you the right to beat the hell out of me? I swear to God that I will never let my children be bullied. I know Gillian gets some of it in school and I try to stand up as much as I can. And teachers....what about them? Do they seriously sit with their heads up their asses and not do anything? Apparantly. Although I do know some teachers who go out of their way to help others. I luckily had a 9th grade music teacher who made me feel as though I was at least a human being. The rest....I don't think they gave a rat's ass if I was there or not. I did have one Home Ed teacher in HS that I felt cared, but even she saw it just as a job I think,

I am riled up. I am supposed to start this damn fitness plan today and haven't even made it to the gym yet! It's cold outside and I don't want to go. Why did I have to go and post on FB that I was turning over a new leaf? It's too cold!


Thursday, January 07, 2010


I forgot one day! But I have been immersed in this site I found, You can put your name in there and everything that was in the paper about you will come up. So just to make it easy, for those of you who want to see what I looked like when I was a teen and what I wrote, my name was Wendy Knafelc. It's a gas I tell ya. I never even remembered that I was on the journalism committee. It brought back a lot of memories. Of course I scanned it to make sure there was nothing incriminating in there and we are all clear on that!

Our school had it's own page in the Messenger, which is what the paper our town had was called. And I was reading a page in it and there was a poem there that I could have sworn I had heard before. I go up and look at the author and it was me! Talking about how I had to leave for college, leaving my 30+ year old lover (abuser) behind. Of course I know this, but you have to read between the lines to get the whole story. I am sure that no one knew when I was in high school that a 33 year old woman was bedding (abusing) me! Especially when I told everyone that she was my guardian. Ewwww and UGH! So glad to leave those days behind. All the back biting and back stabbing...well hey, that still happens today doesn't it? Oh well, somethings never change.

Check me out when I was a teen though. Some of the words that I spoke I wouldn't change in a million years!


Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Feeling like a mouse.....

Running in a wheel. Well, until today when I actually had a chance to sit and have some grown up conversation. I took Grandma to get her hair done and while I was waiting, I decided to go and visit my friend Val and her husband Lee and their new baby Sophia! Tyler was in school or I would have played with him too. We had some nice conversation and before I knew it, it was time to go back and get Grandma. And now, it's almost 2PM and almost time for Katie to come home from school and then she gets to go and visit her Grandma while I go and run Gillian to the LGBTQ center you get the visual...running, running, running.....

It's really OK. It's what I signed up for. I am going to go and grab a few minutes of reading before Katie gets home. I am immersed in these Maximum Ride books, oddly enough.

And over New Years Eve talk, it became known to me that R. Crumb has a great illustrated book on Genesis. I went to Barnes and Noble to get it but they didn't have it so I came home and ordered it with the GC MIL gave me for Christmas. I almost forgot about my B&N membership which knocked $5 off the cost! I still have half the GC left. Me and my books!


Monday, January 04, 2010

Travel Fever....

I have been watching the Travel Channel a lot lately and love it. There was a great show on water parks this morning, but damm, I love that Samantha Brown. Not only is she easy on the eyes, but she visits some great places. And you actually feel as though you might be there. Today I went to Prague! It was so cool. Yesterday they did a whole cruise show on her. I especially loved the one where she cruised the mediterannian. I would love to do that! never know!

The kids are back to school today. I miss them. Gillian is worried now about what college's she's going to get into, but I'm not. She'll get into the one that is right for her. Please Smith, accept her and give us a great package. She's a great kid and would do your school proud! Now it's just a waiting game....and anxiety mounts as well. She needs to get a job too, but hasn't been able to. It's one of those times when you want to make things all better for them, but you just have to let them go through it.

Katie didn't want to go back to school today. I think she is bored. But, she went and I am sure will come home with a smile.

Well, I am off to sew for a few while I am waiting for Kate to get off the bus. I think I might start a skirt with charm squares for Katie. And I still have to head out to Joanne's to get the fabric to finish her class quilt! I will post pictures when I have them!

And if you have some extra love, please throw it my friend Casey and Judy's way? They are both going through a tough time.


Talk at you tomorrow!

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Getting there

I am feeling better today. Actually out of bed and drinking Ginger Ale. I haven't ventured into eating anything yet. And the SNOW! UGH and double UGH! It hasn't stopped snowing here in days and right now, our deck is half full of snow. It's light and fluffy, which is good, but even if I wanted to leave, I would have to dig out my car and I don't want to do that.

I didn't even go to church this morning. I am sad that I missed it, but really needed the rest. Next week we get back to our regular routine and I am looking forward to that.

Oh, and we have a new Wii game, bought from our friend Abby! It's Outdoor Challenge and I am sure when I am up and running we'll be playing it!

Talk at ya soon!


Saturday, January 02, 2010


I paid for having a nice day yesterday by spending most of the day either in bed or the bathroom. It was supposed to be Cheryl's day off, but she got stuck shuttling Katie back and forth to all her activities.

I hate days like these. I wish I could have day's like yesterday more often.

Back to bed I go. More tomorrow if I am feeling better.


Friday, January 01, 2010

Happy New Year!

I can't say that last year was a bad year. I think it was a normal year. I think we always hope that the next one is going to be better, but then when we get to the end of the year, we realize that it was a normal year. There are some up's and some down's. Sometimes there are more than the other.

We rang in the New Year with some friends from church. Much good food and laughter was had and it was the first time in a long time that I have been up until Midnight! Katie actually made it too! Thank you to the Bolands for the invite!

I am living up to my promise to blog daily. Right now Cheryl is outside with Katie playing in the snow while I sit in the warm house watching a show on ghosts. Tomorrow will be a busy day with Katie having much to do. We don't see Gillian much on the weekends anymore. Another moving out of the nest!

I look forward to checking in with you all tomorrow. Katie has 2 birthday parties and a Girl Scout event, so it's going to be a busy day.