Sunday, April 24, 2011


I have had 2 dreams the past 2 nights. I was pregnant in both of them and knew that there was something wrong with the baby first thing. I could feel the heart beat in my hand and when I went to have a sono, they heart never closed and was on the outside of the body. This dream continued the next night, with the baby being born, but waking before I actually saw the baby.

When I woke up this morning, I realized that these dreams symbolized a re-birth of me with my heart on the outside, no longer keeping pain and hurt inside, but feeling safe to let my feelings be known. Not the everyday Wendy that everyone knows.

Keep updated as I am going to try and write more and this is my journaling. I don't think anyone reads this anymore since so much times goes by before I write. I

I am still in pain and I think that keeps people away from listening to what I have to say. I want to try and be more introspective. Yes, I have pain everywhere. Physical, emotional and psychological. Should be an interesting ride. I am also going to try and quilt a little each day. If I remember how! LOL!


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Wishes do come true

I was reading back through old posts and can't believe how depressed I sound. Maybe now that Spring is here, I am feeling better. The panic attacks have decreased and I feel less depressed. Maybe it's because I am dealing with another crisis in my life? LOL!

I had to have an MRI on my back to determine whether or not the channels were big enough for the stimulator and it came back with some suspicious finding that required me to have a bone scan. I had that done and now need to meet with an orthopedic/oncologist to see if I do indeed need to have a needle biopsy.