Friday, January 14, 2011


Which for those of you who don't know what that is is Obsessive Control Disorder and I have it in a BAD way! I went to the MD yesterday and she started me on a new medication that should help in a few weeks. I can't stand the thoughts that keep going through my mind over and over and over.

Here is an example of my mind the past week. Katie's teacher was sick on Tuesday. Katie came home from school on Tuesday saying her teacher had a stomach ache and felt like she was going to throw up. I immediately went into panic mode. If Katie picks up what her teacher has, then she could give it to Gillian, who is going back to school on Sunday.

For those of you who don't know, the week before finals, Gillian caught a bug and was in the hospital for 4 days. She has no large intestine because of an illness she had when she was younger, so when she gets a stomach bug, it turns into a BIG thing requiring hospitalization. So, you can imagine my panic. I am trying to inforce hand washing and keeping the girls apart. I am thinking that Katie would have come down with this bug by now, because the net says that it usually presents itself between 24-48 hours which we are past now. I will feel much better tomorrow if she doesn't get it. And the nurse at the MD's office said that the chance of Gillian getting it are even smaller than Katie.

Does that help? Nope! Still runs around my mind over and over and over again. Can I do anything about it? Nope! Do I know this? Yes! Does it matter? Nope! And if it wasn't this, it would be something else.

So, I start the new med tonight and will go up for the next few weeks until I go back to the MD again. If there are no adverse effects, then I will go up to the recommended dose. The only thing that sucks is that it could be a month or more before I feel/relief. ARGH! I want it gone NOW!

So, I am trying to read as much as possible and not let things bother me. The more I sleep and watch TV, the better I feel.

There you have it...I have OCD!


Saturday, January 08, 2011

Lazy days and Mondays.....

Always get me down! Too bad it's Saturday. And I am down. But I have no clue why. I want this Spinal Cord Stimulator installed in my back already, but sooo not looking forward to the surgery. They always get your meds messed up.

I really, really want to quilt. But there is no way that I can stand up and cut out fabric and there is no way that I can sit to sew for any length of time. Another BIG obstacle is the fact that I have yet to clear out Gillian's room to make it into a sewing room. The more I think about it, the more it doesn't make sense. She is home at least once every other month, which would mean time that I wouldn't be able to get in there to sew. So, what to do? I just don't know. I can't get down the cellar stairs, so setting up a studio there is also out of the question. I will figure something out sometime. I have all the fabric sitting there waiting for me to make the top to my Nephew's quilt, not to mention the $1,000's of fabric waiting to me made into quilts. My friend Val's daughter just turned 1 and I still haven't started her baby quilt. Maybe by the time she goes to college?

Anyway, I am off to a birthday party for a friend of Katie's and the parents happen to be our friends as well. Tomorrow is my neice's birthday party right after church and Monday will be a massage and nap day. I will need it.


Monday, January 03, 2011

Sometimes you just want to....

SCREAM! My older daughter knows that I don't like her to drive my car. It's not paid off and it's the only reliable one we have. She just wanted to look all cool and drive my car to her old high school and pick up one of her younger friends. She originally wanted to drive downtown, but I nixed that. I have a feeling that is where she is. I told her she had to be home by 6PM! I think it's time for her to go back. And I don't think that there will be much crying when we leave this time. I need a break. I am tired of her drama already. She accused me of sleeping all day and living off the government. I told her if I could stand and sit all day then I wouldn't have to lay down all day. She really knows what pushes my buttons. Then a bill came today from when she was in the hospital and I told her it would go against her credit if she didn't get it resolved. She doesn't even care! She so needs to learn about money!

I can't write anymore. I can't take her anymore! Sorry for the rant. Just pissed, that's all!