Saturday, September 27, 2008

Writers block

Another cute picture to start your day!

And as the title suggests, I have writers block. How come I always think of witty and fun, even deep things to write about just before I fall asleep at night? And then the next day, when I get up, I sit and stare at the computer just waiting for those thoughts to pop out again. My goal this school year was to write a book. I could write about any number of things. Here is the list:

1) My childhood (everyone writes those)
2) My foray into the world of infertility (and the result of that X's 2)
3) Being a lesbian and writing about said foray
4) Being chronically disabled
5) Coming out as a lesbian
6) Being the first (and so far only) person in my family to have a Master's Degree (although fat lot of good it's doing me while I sit around on my fat ass thinking about all the things I could write about)
7) My experiences with religion. This is one that I could seriously get into, but it's really emotional.
8) My experience of being sexually abused by an older woman as a teen and it's effect that it has on me today.
9)My children - there is always lots to write about there
10) My passion regarding children's clothing, my attempts to create said clothing and the result - my love of quilting.

So, that is the short list. I really want to write something that will helpl people . I don't know what that is. So, I keep sitting here, on my fat ass, wondering what to write about!


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Definition of CUTE!

This is Katie this morning heading out the door to school. She looks to old to me for some reason. I think it's finally sinking in, she's in SCHOOL and going to stay there. I am trying to find some routine for my day, so that I am not just walking around the house, or even worse, out speding money. Anyway, I thought I would share my cutie with you.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

I Just Know This Week Will Be Better

So many times I think about giving this blog up. I forget, life get's busy and when I think of something witty to say, it's usually about the time I am ready to fall asleep. As much as I would like to jump out of bed, fire up the computer and write it all down, I am usually asleep before I can finish the thought!

This past week has been the week from hell. Gillian and I got sick on Friday, and sure enough, by Sunday, I was in the ER. I couldn't keep anything down, including my pain meds. Little did I know that going to the ER, and then subsequently getting admitted would turn out to be a nightmare. It took them 12 tries to get an IV in me. Of course there was no one there to do a PIC line, which is what I was told I would need the last time I was in the hospital. You know what makes me the maddest? I found out on Monday that they did have someone that could put one in, they just didn't. Anyway, I digress. Many of you know that I take some pretty heavy duty pain meds for the debilitating that I experience as a result of back surgery gone wrong. When I vomit them up, I go into withdrawl, which just makes me sicker. It also makes me feel like I am a junky. So, they were giving me pain meds through the IV, but what I take is extended release, and what they were giving me was POP and then come down. Well, I would be OK for the first hour or 2 and then slowly I would start to shake, vomit, get the cold sweats, etc. It was horrible and I was crying and just feeling out of control. While this was happening, I got a male nurse (nothing against them) and he began to ask me, "Do you take your pain meds as prescribed? Do you ever take more than you've been prescribed?, etc" He even went so far as to make me show him my scar on my back (no matter that I had my surgery in the same hospital and he could have just looked up and had access to my medical records. I started to get defensive and he then said, "When you get defensive, then I tend not to believe you". Oh, I was hopping mad. Finally, I asked them to put me back on my meds that I was on (and they wouldn't do this until they called the pain clinic I go to to verify that I was indeed on all these meds). Once they did that, I started to feel better as they were bolusing me the other pain meds too. It took my back pain away for a while and it was such relief.

One thing that I mentioned to this male nurse I had was that I was planning to go on a pain patch instead of taking pills orally. I am also on so many meds for my stomach that this would help this problem. Anyway, the male nurse made a point of coming back to my room, sat down and then started talking about how they only give the patch to terminal and elderly people who are going to die and they don't have to worry about addiction. Well, I am here to tell you that I am going to be on pain meds unless they fix my back because when the pain meds wore off, I was in the most incredible pain. Any fantasy that I harbored about going off the meds and toughing it out went right out the window. I will go for my appt next month at the pain clinic and start the process of weaning off the oral meds and building up the patch. I just think for me, it's a win, win situation. I live in fear of vomiting and when it happens, then I always end up in the hospital. So, that was my weekend and start to my week.

While all this was going on, Gillian was also sick. Her Ulcerative Colitis (UC) kicked into full gear and since she had taken herself off her meds, she was in a really bad place. She was vomiting and going to the bathroom so much that I was worried about her. And although Cheryl was home to take care of her, she would still call me and cry that she wanted me. Talk about feeling like a shithead. Cheryl took her to the MD's office and they started her back on her meds. The same ones. They didn't seem to be worried about her Eosinophilia or anemia that the 6MP caused and I guess from what I hear, the other meds have far worse side effects. They put her on a med that acts as a steroid, but without the side effects. Problem was, it causes an upset stomach and she threw them all up. I finally took her to the ER last night. We got there at 3PM and finally got home at Midnight. They had trauma after trauma and it was so frustrating. They put in an IV, gave her fluids, morphine and Zofran. She is feeling much better today. They also started her on Prednisone which did she ever pitch a fit about. She refused at first so they started her paperwork to admit her and she'd have to be in for 8 days on Prednisone. Now at least she is on it orally and tomorrow when I speak with the gastro MD, we can hopefully begin to taper down. Being in the hospital for 8 days would certainly put a crimp in her style because they are going to start filming for M*DE (the MTV show) this week.

Yes, she was chosen! Another exciting event going on in our house. School has been so hard on this poor kid. The day she started school, she opened her locker and founf that someone had etched the word FAG in her locker. The school is finally taking this bullying and harrassment seriously. I knew something was going on, but not how bad it was. She didn't want to come to me because she knew that I would go to the administration and she was afraid the kids would get into trouble and it would come back on her double fold. What am I supposed to do as a parent? I want to protect my child, but I also want her to learn how to protect herself. She's going to be in college in a year and a half and I am not always going to be there.

Well, this leaves Katie and Cheryl. Katie has adjusted wonderfully to Kindergarten. I love her teacher and it's obvious how much Katie's teacher likes her too. You cna just tell. And Katie really likes her teacher too. It's a great match. I go to school on Thursday and help out in the lunch room. Katie was going to learn to buy millk that day and my MD appt went over and I missed it. I felt horrible. Like the worst parent imaginable. I got to school right after they went back to class. They called her down and her teacher brought her. Katie proudly told me that she helped Mrs. S how to buy HER lunch! And they laughed because they both forgot their straws! What good hands my baby is in!

Cheryl has been taking care of Gillian and I. Poor thing is worn out. It seems that it never gets to be her turn to be taken care of. I guess I need to remidy that situation. If I keep saying "when things calm down, then I will do it" it will never get done, because I seriously doubt that things will ever become calm in this house.

So, Tap, Ballet and Soccer continue. Gillian will be filming for 6 weeks and working and going to school. Cheryl plugs away at her job to bring money home so that we can all survive. And I still wait. Wait for the SSD that is sitting on the judges desk. So much for the bulged disc that he and the SSD MD's said that I had. A surgery later, more incredible pain later and we still wait.....

If anyone out there has any words of wisdom that they think will help move this along faster, I am happy to hear them. I do have an attorney. I guess right now, I just need hope. Hope that one day we won't be in this financial hole we are in (and my shopping to relive stress doesn't help at all). I have become hopelessly addicted to children's clothes, buying fabric to make quilts and then putting them away to make. I will give myself credit that I do make them. I am learning more and more, but even that is difficult to do because of my back.

So, I will ply you all with more pictures of cute kids and the family doing fun things as they come along....let me know you are out there if you are reading me. It's nice to know that I am not talking to myself!


Thursday, September 04, 2008

Back to school!

Well, it happened, Katie went to Kindergaten and Gillian went to 11th grade. You see no pictures of Gillian because she is waaaay too old for that, dontcha know? I was a wreck all day, but when she got off that bus, smiling ear to ear, I knew that all had gone well and that it was going to be OK. We finally got her day out of her and she really had a blast. She was really excited that the teacher called her up at story time and read her shirt, "Kindergarten Rocks" to the whole class and put it up on the board. (I had the outfit custom made). Of course she picked her own outfit today and it was her most coveted Hannah Montana Tee, with her Denim Hello Kitty skirt (and some gym shorts that I insisted she wear under it) with her pink high tops. I rolled my eyes when she said she wanted to wear her pink high tops, but it really made the outfit. I will have to snap a pic when she gets home, because she looked like a real rock star.

As for Gillian, I think she was glad to be back in school, now considered an upperclassman (how in the heck did that happen?) and got her favorite courses, Environmental Science and Creative Writing and Psychology. She was a happy camper. And if she's a happy camper, then so is everyone else. Gillian has her own fashion sense and she looked pretty snazzy yesterday too! I wish she would have let me take some pics.

So, the cleaning person is here, I am going to see if I can find some jeans to fit my big butt and then get back here for the kiddo's. We were lucky enough to get Katie's list before school, but tonight I have to brave the crowds and hope there is enough to get her stuff.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Labor Day pics!

Here are some beautiful customs that I had made by Tracy Tobias at . If you like what you see, e-mail her and she will be happy to help you! These outfits were made out of fabric that I bought at Fabric Bliss during a Euro Pre-Order that she had a while back. I was in love with the fabric and knew that I just wasn't talented enough to do them justice. So, I sent the fabric to Tracy and she made this beautiful twirl skirt and then she used a beautiful Euro pattern to create the Katie shirt and pants. I think they are both so cute! And the fabric are just scrumptious! Enjoy.

Next, be on the lookout for back to school pics! Katie has her lunch made already (in the fridge) and she has her orientation tomorrow to meet her teacher and other kids in her class. I am going to lug all her supplies in tomorrow so that she won't have to worry about that on the bus.

I am very tearful about school starting, but I stocked up on fabric, and have a lot of project to do. I also am going to be very serious about sitting down at least an hour a day to write. Who knows what will come of that!