Monday, June 16, 2008

Father's Day.....

Most of you know that my father was killed in a work related accident 30+ years ago. I miss him terribly. I think about him a lot and can only imagine how my life would have been different had he lived. I wish he would have had a chance to meet Cheryl and I wish he would have had a chance to meet and get to know his grandchildren. He would have been an awesome grandfather. Dad, I know you know this, but I miss you and love you. This father's day was even sadder for me because it's the first one since my grandfather's death. My grandfather's death has affected me profoundly. I know, he was old and sick. I know that he was suffering and I know that he is in a better place. I was very lucky to have my grandfather in my life for as long as I did. Most people don't get to be 40 and still have their grandparents. But I miss him. I didn't go to either grave sites on father's day because I know that I would just be too sad, besides, I have been to both repeatedly and placed flowers and flags on both.

Today I went to Seminary and visited. I think my grandfather's death has brought me much closer to God. I don't know why I feel this calling to go to Seminary, I just do. I still don't know if I will enroll and if I do, whether I will work on my MDiv and become a minister or get a MA in Theology. In either case I will go on to get a doctorate and either become a Rev. Dr. or just a Dr. I don't know that if I become a minister that I will preach in a church or rather become a chaplain in a jail and/or hospital. Or perhaps God will call me to minister in a church. If I go for the MA in Theology and then get a Phd then I will probably teach in the University. Either way, I sense that after Gillian graduates from high school Cheryl and I may move. Again, I am following God's lead in this because He is the only one who really knows the ultimate plan.

That's all for today. I am going to get Katie to bed and read for a while before going to bed since we were up at 6 in order to get to Rochester by 8. Good night all


Friday, June 13, 2008


Everything is fine, I have just been really, really busy with end of the school year stuff, ballet recitals, T-ball games and well just about everything else. I have some great pictures to download, a ton of stuff to e-bay and lots of sewing projects that are just waiting for me to finish them (or start them altogether). I always promised myself that I would never be one of those sewers with half finished projects and well, I am.

I am really having a hard time with Katie ending pre-K and heading off to Kindy next year. We were watching some baby shows together today and it struck me that this really was it. My soon to be 16 year old is going to be driving soon and my 5 year old is really going to kindy.

I am going on Monday to Colgate Rochester for the day to check it out. Not sure what will pan out of it. I have to try though. I have to do something. I for sure will volunteer at school, I will for sure be driving the 16 year old around. Or holding on white knuckled while she drives....

But, I have to do something for me. I really hope that SSD comes through soon. I can't stand living like this. Constantly worrying about money. Not being able to do anything extra. I mean we have enough to live, it's not dire or anything like that. But we just keep living without doing anything extra. And I shouldn't really complain because there are a lot of people who can't even make ends meet. But the pressure on Cheryl is immense, I feel guilty and is just keeps goign on and on.

Blah, enough of that. It's going to be a fun summer. We did splurge and get a park pass so I can take the girls to the beach. That's it....we'll become beach bums!