Well, I did my best. I really did. Only left MIL's house in a huff once over something she said to Gillian. Only threw one thing at my youngest sister who thought she knew everything.
Christmas and I just don't get along. I have no idea why I get so damn uptight over it. Well, I do know and I am not going to talk about it here. Suffice it to say that I have never had a Christmas where I could just sit back and enjoy. Maybe next year I will just ask for Valium and try and be merry for the kids.
You know this all cicles back around to my disability right? I can't do the things that I used to do and I feel really resentful to those who can. I can't bake anymore and I can't really do anything related to shopping other than online. Having no money (or at least not having the money that I wish I did) really makes me angry too. Another year of no vacations in the planning also depresses me. I just wish we could get away and know that it's not financially in the cards. I don't feel as though I am shorting my kids because before the big "disability" and I was working, we could do things. SO, they have been places and done things that I never did.
I guess I am back to being angry about the whole SSD thing. Come on already. Award me the money so that I can live again. Just live. Not live high on the hog. But live enough so that we can not worry about money for once.
OK..now that I have blamed everything and everyone for my anger, let's just call it the way it needs to be called. I am pissed that I am disabled. Disabled without a clear diagnosis. So, there. I said it. I am disabled and I am pissed.