Monday, August 21, 2006

Another whiney post.....

Delete if you don't want to come to my pity party OK?

I can't stand this anymore. I am so tired of feeling depressed. Guilty because we don't have the money to get the girls stuff they want. Not need. We are providing for their needs, but I feel so damn impotent. Katie wants a bike. She has never had a bike of her own and currently owns a handmedown trike that she is too big for. She tells me "Can I have a new Dora bike when we get some money Mommy?" Sure you can, but who knows when that will be.

Gillian had to spend all her own money on school clothes. I always said that I would never do that to my kids. And here I am. I know...there are some of you who feel as though this isn't an issue. But it is for me.

Even though I know rationally these are not big issues, they are for me. Really big. I feel like I am failing my kids. I feel like I am failing my partner. She didn't sign on for this.

I don't know what I would do without her or my girls. They are truly my reasons for living. Chery, you are my rock. I know that life is hard, but I want to tell you in front of people that I call friends, that you are the most wonderful partner a person could ever ask for. I know my being disabled makes things very hard, but you never waiver in your love for me. You are always there for me to help me feel safe and loved. I love you now, I will love you forever. Thank you Cheryl for being my partner, the true definition of partner. I only hope that I give you back a tenth of what you give me. I also want to thank you for being the best Mama the girls could ask for. And the best parenting partner, I could ask for. Are things always smooth? No. I would be lying. But are they the best they can be under the circumstances? Yes. Thank you and I love you!

1 comment:

Judy said...

Hey, none of us "signs on" for anything. If we do, we're only fooling ourselves. You didn't "sign on" to be disabled. Life makes these twists and turns, and if the love we give was conditional upon the streets life takes us down, well - let's just say that the human race as a whole would have been screwed a long time ago (although I'm beginning to think it may be...). We love you - every little last part of you. Your kids love you, your partner loves you, your best friend and her kids love you.... when your kids are older, they won't look back and remember that they had to wait for a bike or buy their school clothes - they'll remember that you loved them deeply, and that you're a great Mom to them. We all love you.