Monday, January 29, 2007

I hate winter

Winter makes me want to just hibernate. Of course it doesn't help that Katie has had us up for 2 nights because she has been sick. Just a cold, but of course I am so obsessive that I think it's something 10 times worse. And Gillian's colitis has been worse so I am obsessed with her being sick again and ending up in the hospital. My anxiety always gets the best of me when I am tired. And guess who won't take a nap even though they don't feel well? UGH and double UGH. I don't know about the rest of you, but today has me having the creepy crawlies. Like I just want to get out of my skin. I am having second thoughts about the surgery and I know I have to do it. A good friend of mine wrote me a powerful e-mail over the weekend. About how going off the pain meds is going to be really hard. I knew that, but reading brought it home. How much I rely on them and really have since Katie was born. It's going to be really, really hard to give up that dependence I have on them. And not just physically either.

I said before that I was at peace with my decision. Maybe I am changing my mind now. Maybe this isn't the right thing to do? Damn, I hate this. I can't even make a damn decision now. It's going to hurt ya know? Badly. But I need to be out of pain because I really feel that pain is defining how and who I am.

On another note, we are meeting with the neurologist this Wednesday. I can hardly wait.


Tatted said...

I hear ya on this kids being sick issue... B3 has had an ear infection for over a montn and been keeping me up at nights. However, I can (and love to) take naps when/if he goes down in the afternoon... At the same time, if I do lay down in the afternoon, I get RLS in the evening. UUUGH, your not alone, I can't win either!


mdmhvonpa said...

As twisted as this may seem ... when the kids are sick (and myself soon to follow) I tend to enjoy having them snuggle up to me under the covers and just snoozing away. Sure, they might keep me up at night, but I wasn't going to sleep anyways.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to empty my sinuses from whatever I contracted from the twins THIS week.

Gandksmom said...

Yep, I know what you mean about the cuddling. Katie and I have been cuddling on the couch most of the day and I can tell you how much I miss it! I hope you feel better soon. Kids are so good at sharing their colds with us huh?

rae said...

you know how hard it is to get off the pain meds. you watched me do it. the point being---i did it. and i'm the biggest wimp there ever was. you told me then--if i wanted it bad enough, i'd do it. and i wanted it. and i know you do too. no one talks about the drugs, but they are the hardest. the surgeries--the diagnosis. they aren't easy but they are easier than the drugs. i have faith in your wen, and i'll be here for you just like you were for me.
hugs to you