Well, as you can see this wasn't written at 4AM, but it could have been since I have been up since then. I woke up for no reason and just laid there and laid there. Then I started to worry about stuff that no sane person worries about. My kids dying, my partner dying, me dying. Cheryl and I met with the surgeon on Monday and he wants to wait to see how this nreve block I had on Wednesday worked. I got 9 days of relief last time and Dr T (Pain center doc) wasn't too impressed. He told me that if I don't get more relief than that and at least some residual pain relief that we'll have to go ahead and schedule the surgery. I am scared of having this surgery. I am sure if you scroll down and read you will see somewhere that I have already whined about this. But it sucks. I literally can't get on the floor with Katie. This morning I promised a trip to the zoo but between my stomach acting up and my back killing me, I am perched on the couch. And the poor dear is asking me she can do for me. Not crying that she can't go to the zoo. God, I feel like such a stinking failure as a mother. I do have to get her to swim lessons at 4 so I will drag myself out for that. Yesterday I was at story time with her and the pain in my back kicked in so badly I just wanted to lay down on the floor and cry. So, we stopped at Grandma's and I took some pain pills and laid down on her couch while she entertained Katie for an hour. Got home and just stayed on the couch. If I am going to feel any relief from this block, I should feel it tomorrow. The pain of the block should wear off by then.
It has been my dream my whole life to be a stay at home mom and I suck at it. I know I am being hard on myself. I know there are plenty if things I can do here and we do them. But I hate breaking promises to my kids. I hate it.
Of course it snowed and with snow and cold comes the winter grouchies. I wish we could move to the carribean. I so could be at home there. They must need a cytotech down there and there are always people who want a good therapist right? Right? LOL
Well, that is the end of the whine for today. So many of you who are SAHM's talk about all the awesome things you do. I applaud you for it. You are my hero's!