Monday, November 06, 2006


Yep, it's been confirmed. I have MS. Let me walk you through my last 2 weeks OK? 3 weeks ago Monday I woke up throwing up. I think I even posted as to how wonderful my DP (dear partner) was to hold the puke bucket. I never really recovered. Kept feeling sick to my stomach, throwing up, and just not feeling well. So, on Thursday last week I had an appt with the MD who did my discography. I go in, pay my $15 co-pay only to have her tell me that yes, they replicated the pain on disc's L4/L5 and L5/S1 and the fact that the cortisone helped for a few days confirmed for her that I have degenerative disc disease in those disc's. I asked her what that meant and she said that I had to meet with the surgeon. Now, I am feeling crappy, about to cry because I just spent money I didn't have for her to tell me information I already knew and I said, "Wait, tell me what this all means". I have arthritis in my spine in that area and I need spinal fusion surgery says her. She rambled off some of the options but I really don't remember what she said and I left with an appt for a consult with the spinal surgeon in her office. I have heard from several people that he is a good surgeon, but I will be getting a secong opinion!

So, Friday I had a regular appt with my primary doc. I go in and he tells me I am not looking good and I tell him that I have been sick for almost 3 weeks and he thinks it might be diverticulitis since I have some pain. Now, I have had that before with different symptoms, but to humor him, I go to the ER. Before I leave there, he tells me that the MRI came back confirming the MS diganosis. He went into a bunch of scientific goblydygook, but all I heard was MS and already feeling miserable, I just wanted to lay down and go to sleep.

So, I call Cheryl and she meets me at the ER since I had Katie with me. It takes them 6 tries to get an IV into my dehydrated body. They do a CT scan without contrast because there was no way I was keeping that stuff down, but no diverticulitis. I meet the best ER/hospital MD ever there! He tells me that he thinks that because of all the vomiting I haven't been keeping enough of my narcotics down and I am feeling some effects of withdrawls. So, they admit me, give me a few doses of dilauad along with my regular narcotics and boost me with fluid and the next day I am much better. I go home and have been home since.

So, now I have to deal with these issues of impending scary spinal surgery along with the DX of MS. I am scared. I am sad, mad and every emotion in the book. I won't know more until I meet with the neurologist. My MD says there is a great one, but he's afraid she's booked out. I am waiting for their call with the referral. So far my most worrisome symptoms are short terms memory loss. Cheryl tells me I am asking her things over and over again a lot. I forget words easily and it scares me. What makes me the saddest is the vision problems I have with my eyes going wacky on me. I am no longer reading 6-7 books a week, more like 1 if I can get through it. This is a tremendous loss to me. I love to read. Gait is still off, but not so much that it bothers me or that I think people notice. No falls, but a couple of near misses.

SO, that's it for now. I am trying to move from a place of fear, and some denial to a place of power and taking over the MS and not letting it take over me. You'll be hearing much more about this in the weeks to come I am sure.

Hold on's going to be a wild ride!


Rae said...

OMG WENDY! Here I've been emailing with you all day and I had no idea. *hugging you* My God. Why? Why? Why?
You must be so scared.
And as far as the withdrawals go--GOOD FOR THEM FOR IDENTIFYING THAT!!! Jesus girl you know how I feel about it. They let me puke for 2 months before they diagnosed me. Hope they didn't send you home on Dilaudid. Tell me they didn't send you home on Dilaudid?
I don't know what to say babe......except GODDAMNIT. *sigh*

art-sweet said...

Oh Wendy.

You so do not deserve this.

I am thinking of you and your family.

Anything you need - please, please ask.

Anonymous said...

Hi Wendy,
I was told about your blog by Art-Sweet.(I just love her) She had told me you were diagnosed with MS. I am so sorry. My husband was diagnosed three years ago. If you ever want to talk we are here. I can also send you some links to some wonderful MS bloggers, several of which are having some of the same symptoms as you. Just let me know what you would like for me to do. My email is Oh, by the way, nice to meet you, I am Vivian. =)

Gandksmom said...

Rae - no way did I take more than a few doses of that drug after what I saw you go through!

Art - We'll need you and pili after my surgery for sure!

and Vivian - it's nice to meet ya!

Anonymous said...

Sweetie, just remember, give it all to the Lord, Pray more then ever and he will help ease your fears and get you through each day. We don't know his reasons for the things he does, but with our faith, we must trust in him and accept what he gives us. hang in there and I am sending lots of prayers and hugs

Lisa LTH4

Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear you have been diagnosed with MS. If you ever need anything, to talk, whatever....please let me know. There is a large network of people with MS who all support each other. You are NOT alone in this. I will go ahead and blogroll you if that is okay (just let me know). If you want to talk, drop me an email (the link is on my blog).

Take care of yourself.

Baitulos said...

Hey, Wendy,

I found your blog via My MS Journal, AKA, Jaime. Sorry to hear you have now been inducted into the MS Hall Of Fame! MS sucks, no doubt about it, but it's important to remember it's not a death sentence...just feels that way at first.
I was diagnosed 3 1/2 years ago and I'm still alive and kicking (not that it is any consolation to you, however. LOL) and working full-time in Mental Health.
Hang in there...

Linda D. in Seattle

Gandksmom said...

Lisa - I think that prayer is the one thing that is getting me through all of this right now! Thanks for the reminder of the power or prayer!

Jaime - thanks for the support. As I journey down this new path in my life, I am sure that I will get to meet people who have faced and continue to face some of the same challanges as me. Nothing like a little strength in numbers huh?

Anonymous said...

You may not see this comment, but I followed your link from Linda's blog. So sorry, but so happy you have finally been diagnosed. There are a lot of us out there ... many blogs. I'll rally the troops and let them know you are here.

pb said...

You have every right to be angry, sad, confused and all three at the same time.

Sorry you are going through this. But you will eventually be glad that the diagnosis is official.

Concentrate on what you know you can do. Let the doctors stumble through the tough stuff. And don't believe everything you see or hear. You will eventually know what is best for you.

Trust your instincts and keep an open mind. God bless you and good luck over the next few months.

Iain Dughlais said...

I'm in your corner. :)