Medically anyway. I am done with being nice and not swearing. I am done with watching what I say. If you are offended, then I am sorry, but I am so done with medical shit that I just want to scream.
Cheryl and I met with the neurologist on Tuesday. I had to take 2 days just to settle down from the visit before I could even put word to paper about it. So, do I have MS or don't I? Who the hell knows. The asshole MD (and he was on the highest order of assholes) wants to do 3 more tests before we get a definitive diagnosis. He was cocky (come on, you can move those toes harder) and a real jerk (those are Cheryl's words). After he did my work up where you can see that the left sided weakness is very pronounced, he tells me that he wants me to have a closed MRI of the head and neck with contrast. You might as well bury me and give me a straw to breathe with because that is what a closed MRI feels like to me. He snottily said, "Well, we'll just do another open one" real disgusted like. Goes on to tell me that I need to address my anxiety with my MD as though it were his damn business. When he got to the it's how you deal with it in your head and mind over matter stuff, I lost it. Crying lost it, snot running down my nose and sob lost it. Cheryl just took me in her arms and told him that we would schedule the test (which we never did find out why he wants to do them of what he is looking for) because he beat feet out of that room as fast as he possibly could. Oh wait, first he threw a prescription at me for valium for the MRI.
So, I told Cheryl here's the deal, I will be in charge of this MRI. I will tell them they can put me in for 10 seconds and then pull me out and then I will tell them whether we proceed or not. Someone did tell me that they can sedate me and since I will already have an IV in for the contrast they can just send some happy juice my way.
Anyway, I don't have any answers. Just more damn tests. My poor body feels like it's been put it through the ringer and just keeps getting rung out. That my dear reader, is why medically I feel as though I am living in the land of the fucked.