I give up.

I just got the judge's decision in the mail. I was denied social security. He basically took everything the was advantageous to him (the SSD doctor's exam) and used that to support his decision. I saw this MD ONE time. The report was filled with out and out lies. But, it told him what he wanted so that he could use that to deny me. And get this. He gave minimal weight to my therapist's report because I hadn't seen her in the 3 months before her wrote the report, but he gave great weight to my OLD primary MD and the rheumatologist in her office (that I saw once)but I hadn't seen them in over a YEAR AND A HALF! He gave no weight to my MD (who I see at least once a week lately)who of course said that I cannot work. I am so frustrated. I am so angry. And my faith in God has been severely shaken. I just held out so much hope that God would help this judge see that I am not lying and that I am in so much need.

Mind you, if I could work full time, I would. The last thing that I want is to live off the government. But by God I CANNOT work full time. I wasn't even asking them to rule that I was totally disabled, but PARTIALLY disabled. Does he really think that I went to college for 6 years to work in a profession that I love only to be sitting home on my butt because I am in CRIPLING pain?

I am just beyond words. Getting denied was one thing, seeing the twisted words and blatent lies is just painful. My attorney says we will appeal. She has suggested that I reapply in the meantime so that we have another avenue. But I am so tired of this shit. We have no money. None. Zip. Nada. And we won't be having any anytime soon. I give up.