Saturday, June 24, 2006

Funky funk

That's where I have been. Feeling overwhelmed. You all know that I broke my ankle right? And you remember that it was the right one, yep, the one that you drive with? So, I haven't been able to drive and have had to rely on other's to drive me here there and everywhere. Cheryl's mother has been great, but she's 80 and I don't want to take advantage of her. She has been carting us to school (which thankfully is out now), to MD appointments and every other durn thing I need to do.

But, sometimes I just want to go and do things myself. I have missed being able to have a few minutes here or there to run to Target, or Panera's to get some soup and sit and read. Even just those few minutes to breathe and think! So, the cast should come off on Monday, and I really need to stop grousing about the whole thing already.

So, that brings me to Grandpa....I have totally been like an ostrich with my head in the sand. Nice thing for a trained clinical therapist to say huh? He is still on the vent, although my mother says they were going to put a trach in sometime this weekend. All week I have heard that they were going to wean him from the vent, but since I have been too chicken shit to get myself up to the hospital I don't know anything first hand and have to rely on everyone else to get my info. So, I am assuming that he's too weak to breathe without the vent and that is why they are going to put the trach in. My mother and sister told me the other day that they had to restrain his hands because when they rouse him he pulls at his tubes. He has a feeding tube in his neck to feed him pure nutrients. Mom says they are going to pull that one and put on in his stomach. So, maybe once they get all the tubes out of his mouth and neck, they can release his hands. My poor Grandmother has been up there alone and Mom says she doesn't think she really understands what the MD's are saying. But, Mom can't get up there to be with her, my Uncle needs to work, I can't get the picture. My MIL is leaving on Thursday to go to Kansas for her family reunion so that limits my ability to be without Katie to go up there too.

While I am in the middle of my pity party, let me just complain about the fact that we have no money since I haven't been working. Back in March I decided to take a leave of absence, but financially we just can't do it and since the judge who is deciding my SSD case is taking his ol sweet time, I am back to work 6 hours a week...BTW, can anyone tell me why it's taking this judge 3 months so far to decide that I am disabled? We so need the money....since I can't work full time to make it myself. But that is a whole other pity party...finally admitting that I am too disabled to work, only to have to sit before a judge and now WAIT! It means that we aren't doing ANYTHING this summer other than going camping the last weekend in July when Cheryl's sister is up from Florida and her brother is up from DC.

Let me just end on a good note! I went to my back MD on Thursday for a back injection. And it's working! I have much less pain...although I am doing too much and needing to learn some new limits. Sitting is still a big one for me. But I feels somewhat hopeful.... I know I will never be able to work more than 6-12 hours a weeks, but it's something right?


Kiles said...

It sounds like you need a run of goodluck, I hope it happens soon

momtothreeboys said...

Yup, the gov't - HURRY UP AND WAIT!!!! And that's from me, a clinical social worker working for the county! Hope you get your ruling (in your favor) soon! Good luck!

seasonalkat said...

I am so sorry the damn judge is sitting on this for so long! I know what you mean about coming to terms with your new limits. I've hurt myself and when I was diagnosed with sciatica, I had a hell of a time finding my new boundaries!