Thursday, March 10, 2011

Deep Dark Depression

For those of you who have been depressed, know that it's different than being sad. I started with this depression way before my mother died. Way before she got sick. Her death has exasperated this depression in a way that I never thought was possible. I have made a counseling appointment. I can't go on anti depressant meds because they all make me sick to my stomach. I was tried on a medication for my OCD that made me sick also.

I feel so helpless. I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep. As long as I am sleeping then I don't have to worry about, or think about anything. ANYTHING. And I really don't have anything to be depressed about. Yes, I have something to be sad about. But, I have a wonderful partner who picks up the lion's share of things around the house and taking care of Katie. I have 2 beautiful children, who, while they have their issues, are doing OK where they are. Gillian is doing well in college, although she is struggling with some really hard classes. I give her all the credit in the world for even attempting them. She is one strong woman! Katie, while she has had some emotional issues (and I wonder if she gets them from me) does wonderfully in school with her school work. It's the peer issues that we have to work on. She wears her heart on her shoulder that one!

Anyway, I needed to get my feelings out on "paper" although I don't think I did a very good job with this. I am leaving tomorrow to get Gillian and then we are staying in Albany overnight with some friends before leaving Saturday AM to get home. I have my first appt on Sat Noon and don't want to miss it. So, maybe I will have more to tell after that!



Kerry said...


I have fought depression on and off for years.There were times I did not leave the house and in some ways became agoraphobic.I can't take meds either because of reactions.

You definitely have been through some dark times in the last few years and have survived.You have to tell yourself there is light somewhere and you want to get there.Hope is a very powerful emotion for many of us. Don't give up; I know you are exhausted physically and emotionally but it does get better. I can't tell you exactly when but it does. It did for me. Don't give up.

If you need to talk you can look for me on fb.


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