Medical woes

I try really hard not to talk a whole lot about medical stuff here, but it's really the only place I have to talk about it. I can't even remember if I mentioned that I spent 5 days in the hospital the week before last with no feeling in my right leg. It just went. It was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. My back surgeon (who did my laminectomy and fusion) says that although there is some imflamation in L5, that didn't cause the lack of feeling. Apparently it doesn't matter that I have had pain in this leg since the surgery. It's not coming from his surgery! So, they sent the neurologist in to see me and they did an MRI of the back, the brain and upper neck. Nothing. I had to be doped up pretty good to get into that machine, but it really was OK. I guess I am just getting more and more used to things that I wasn't able to tolerate before. The neurologist is ruling out MS by getting all my previous records, but there doesn't seem to be any findings of that.

Where is Dr. House when you need him? I really need someone to figure out why I never really recovered from this back surgery. I do have the feeling back in my leg, but there is some permanent loss and I can tell because of the pressure foot of the sewing machine. Not enough to impede my driving though right now. I had PT coming out 3 days a week and I keep doing my exercises faithfully, because when they were talking about seeing if my insurance would cover a wheelchair, well, I just wanted to die. At least that isn't something that I need to worry about now.

I do think it was the babysitting that did me in. I guess I really can't work. It's very difficult for me to accept. I need to be productive. I need to be someone again. Not just the pieces that I feel I have become.