OK, OK.....

I wasn't quite ready to share the news, but I am seriously considering attending Seminary. Now, before you go and get all hepped up, I am not even sure that this will pan out. I have so many things to check, like how am I going to get this paid for, which curriculum am I going to go for, etc. The school I am looking at Colgate Rochester, is Baptist by tradition. I can either go for my MDiv and become a minister or a MA in Religion and tie it into my MSW. They have a MA program in Religion with emphasis on Gender and Women's Study and that really intrigues me. Like I said, I just have some "small" things to work out. If that doesn't pan out, I don't know what I will do. I don't even physically know if I can DO school because of my not being able to sit. I am going to go sometime in the next few weeks and spend a day there and see how it pans out.

If that doesn't work, then I don't know what I will do. I really need a way to make money and I was offered a per diem position, but don't know much about it because I haven't pursued it. I really can't sit for long. In fact, I can't do much for long and it's very exasperating. Anyway, I don't want to turn this into a woe is me post.

So, that is the news. I will update as we go along, but I do know that SSD isn't coming anytime soon and my baby is going to Kindergarten next year and I just can't SIT all day waiting for my kids to come home.

Wendy

In Memorium....

I think if you click on the actual pictures, you can see them closer up. It is still really hard for me to go there and actually see the stone there. I cry everytime. I miss my grandfather so much, although I am really glad that he's not suffering anymore. I ran through the scenerio of his dying so many times in my mind over the past few years that to have it be real just makes it more painful. Sometimes I wish we were back to it not being real. My grandfather was my hero. He was in WWII and worked hard his whole life. I can only hope to be like him in my lifetime. I miss you grandpa.


Both sides together.


My grandfather's side alone...



Katie placing the flag!

I hate blogger sometimes

And this is one of them! I wanted to do a nice remembrance of my grandfather since they just laid down his gravemarker and the pretty flowers that we put there along with a flag since he was a staff Seargant in WWII, but blogger won't let me upload any pics right now. So, I will have to try again tomorrow.

I hope you all had a nice day. We went to a parade this morning and then went to my Grandfather's grave to put flowers there with a flag. Yesteday, I took some flowers to plant at my father's grave.

Anyway, be on the lookout for some pics of the beautiful marker my family picked to honor my grandfather.

And I will be making a HUGE announcement in the coming days! I have made a major life decision in the past few weeks, that has kept me up at night and made me really prayed a lot. But I still have some more work to do on my end to finish up before the announcement!

Wendy

Trying to fix it!

I am aware that the slideshow is huge and I am trying to fix it! Bear with me and if anyone has any idea's on how to make is smaller, let me know OK? Now scroll down and enjoy the show!

Lake Placid Camping Trip

It was the Bomb! There is a story behind the first pic....notice one child sleeping bag next to the adult sleeping bag? You know what should be there right? 2 adult sleeping bags, zipped together, creating a nice bed for 2 adults. But, a certain 5 year old, in a very tentative voice began the first night with, "Mommy, it's dark in here" Mommy, this isn't home", "Mommy, can I sleep with you?" So, I slept on top, Katie and Mama slept in their bags and Gillian slept on bottom. Other than the fact that I can't walk, this trip was the BOMB! We visited the Ausuble River, Whiteface Mountain and the many Olympic sites...the tall ski jumps, the luge run, etc. Everything was closed, but just seeing it was so cool! And the kids....they got along, Gillian and Katie were good and it was just a great trip! It will take me some time to recover....but it was worth it! Enjoy the video!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

PreSchool Fun

There is nothing sweeter in this world than seeing your child singing and having a great time. Her class put on a great parent appreciation party today. In the first song they were singing about friends and in the last one, they were driving cars and putting glasses, scarves, hats, etc,....on. It was too cute for words. We had such a great time watching it. I can't believe that my baby is going to Kindergarten next year, ALL DAY!





On another note, all the pretty fabric that I have ammassed has been packaged up and is flying through the air to a new home to those who sew much better than I. Sad? No way! I will be getting the fabrics back, in great new outfits for Katie! I think I am really going to concentrate on quilting for now. I really enjoy it more and I feel more satisfied when I do it. I will keep learning how to sew clothing, but I get very defeated very quickly when I see people sew outfits that take one afternoon while the same thing takes me weeks. I have Katie's quilt top done, just need to fill it, back it and quilt it. I am really struggling with what to do. Not sure whether I am good enough to stipple or stick to stitch in the ditch. It's really appealing to take it down to the quilt shop and have them put it on their machine. But that would be cheating.....

Wendy

Another one of those days

This is going to be a blah post, so feel free to skip right over it. I woke up this morning, not feeling myself. I hate those days. Just hate them. Yesterday my daughter was gay bashed at school and I am so angry about it. I feel so powerless. I hate those kids that did it. 2 seperate incidents! At least the teacher that heads up their GSA is going to the principal about it, but I want to storm in there and demand that they do something to make my daughter SAFE! It doesn't help that she is really struggling with normal teen stuff....peers and fitting in, but then to get this on top of it just put her over the edge. To see her tear stained face when I picked her up just about broke my heart. I am learning though, that I can't just rush and help, I have to let her work things out for herself. Don't read that I won't do something if I think it needs parental assistance, but I feel as though the real power she gets is taking the issue and doing something about it. It's that tightrope balancing act that we as parents have to do with our teens. I will be talking with the advisor to see where he got with administration, but if that doesn't work, then the head of the LGBTQ Center that she goes to, Cheryl and I will be heading in to speak with the principal. I really hope that it doesn't have to escalate any further than that. Anyway, good thoughts for our up and coming queer kids are appreciated. Kids can be so cruel can't they?

This whole thing of course set off her colitis and she missed work. They were so good about it, but she just started and I hate to see her lose her job. When I talked with the manager this morning (went in to get my coffee) she said that if she had shown up to work sick, they would have sent her home. I felt better about that.

So, back to me. I am just feeling blah today. Worrying about the world and everyone in it. I would like to just sit back and read, but Katie is off today and we are working on a secret project (Can't tell you just yet)! So, I am off to face the world.

Wendy

Summer is a comin'

My very first dress. Of course there is a story behind this. This is supposed to be a tiered shirt that goes over a pair of capri's. The capri's are now the third tier of the dress since I messed them up so badly. I do have more material to make the capri's and will just so I can learn how to, but geesh, it's a lot harder than it looks, let me tell ya! I still have to fuss with the ruffle on the dress, but I am pretty proud of my first dress!



And of course all dresses must pass the twirlability test in our house!

Too many bows?

Is there such a thing as too many bows? Nah! Here are all the bows that I have ammassed over the course of my clothing addiction for Katie. I have found some wonderful women on the loops that I belong too that have made these for us over the years. I always sell off the bows that go with the outfits, so you can only imagine how many bows there would be if I didn't do that. And I have gone to having 2 bows made because for some reason Katie's hair does much better in 2 pony's than one.




Here is Katie waiting for the bus! I bought this dress 2 years ago when I friend of mine went to the Hanna outlet for me! Then, last year when we went to the high scale outlet mall and ended up at a Mall in Westchester with a Hanna store, I bought the shorts that I thought matched it along with the socks. Well, they don't match exactly, but it's good enough for me! And see the bows? They were made to go with another outfit, but they went well enough for me with this one!



And I am still sewing. I am putting the finishing touches on another dress that I made. It started out as a shirt with capri's under it. I messed up badly on capri's (going to try again), but a good seamstress doesn't throw away her fabric, she just takes it and adds it to the dress. I am just adding the bottom ruffle and then going to take another crack at the capri's. It's going to be darn cute if I do say so myself! And I still have that Easter dress to finish! I WILL FINISH IT if it's the last thing I do! LOL!

Wendy

Still sewing

Sorry I haven't been around. I have been busy trying to recover from the trip! I'ts definately taken a toll on my body. This is the first time we have gone somewhere since my back surgery and it was rough. Sitting in a car for 7 hours and then sleeping in a different bed. Not to mention all the running around I had to do when I got back. I still have several project out there in sewing land that I am trying to finish up. But, until I am done with those, here are some pictures from our trip!

For some reason Gillian felt the need to "kiss" all the animals! She asked me to take pics to send to her friends. 15 year olds sure can be weird!


Look at the size of that Hippo!


Katie all ready for her big day at the zoo!


Vegged out in front of a video in the car!



So there you have it, a snap shot view of our trip. I am almost finshed with my first dress/capri set so I better get moving while I have the time to sew!
Wendy

DC or BUST!

We are having a BLAST in DC! We got in yesterday and are visiting with Cheryl's brother. We drove down with Cheryl's mom and other than a small glitch of MIL not understand why Katie has to ride in a car seat, it went well. I have to admit that traveling with 2 kids almost 11 years apart is a challenge. Katie is asleep at 8:30PM and Gillian was busy text messaging her friends until the wee hours of the morning. Since MIL is paying for our hotel room, we are all in the same room. UGH and double UGH! But, it's been fun anyway.

Since I can't do a lot of walking, we drove from Springfield VA (where BIL lives) to the National Zoo. We got lost and I got some great pics from driving around the city. There is a metro station right across the street from our hotel, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to walk from the metro stop to the zoo and then walk around the zoo. I did that a few years ago and could barely do it, so I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. And because there are so many of us, we had to take 2 cars. Well, BIL got lost but it was fine with me! I got to see the Washington Monument, the Iwo Jima statue, some protesters downtown and lots of great sights in Georgetown. It was great! And of course there was the ZOO! I got some great pics (that I will DL when I get home) of the kids at the zoo. We saw the panda's, elephants, a HUGE hippo and lots of other animals. We really had a great time.

We got lost heading home, so I got to see some more sights then too! Tomorrow, Cheryl, Katie, MIL, BIL and his son are heading downtown on the metro to go to the Spy Museum while I go with Gillian and SIL to a great mall that has a Hanna Andersson store! I am so excited! An actual Hanna store. Good thing I saved a little of that money my grandpa left for me. I may end up taking the Metro downtown later to meet up with Cheryl and Katie and go on one of those tours, but we'll see how tired I am. Truth be told, the ride down was very unpleasant on my back and sleeping in a strange bed doesn't help either (and having a teenager tap, tap, tapping on her phone till all hours doesn't help either)

So, look for some great pics when we get back. I didn't think to bring the cord to upload....sorry! I will talk with you all when I get back on Tuesday. I am checking e-mal if you need to get ahold of me though!

Wendy

More inner musings....reading

Although this one is less maudlin. I think there are going to be lots of nuggets coming out of my mind over the next few months.

Anyway, growing up, I always loved to read. I would go into a panic if there wasn't a book for me to read (and still do). Now that I have money (well kind of anyway) I always have a big stack of books next to my bed to get through.The library is my best friend! And I am always reading. I am the person who reads at stop lights when they are red (and have trained my 5 year old to tell me when the light turns green). I read whenever I can. Now, that doesn't mean that I don't do other things, but reading takes me to a place where nothing else can. Like Anna Quindlen states in her book, Living Out Loud, "I still read constantly: if my kids ever go into analysis, I'm sure they will say they don't really remember my face because it was always hidden by a book. Obviously this is in part because I like books. But another reason is that I like to be alone. I like to go deep inside myself and not be accompanied there by anyone else. But I am the oldest of 5 children (so am I), and when I was young, I had about as much chance of being alone as I did of being a lion tamer. Reading was for me then a way of lifting myself out of a crowded environment into a place where I could be by myself"

When I read this, it was like a light bulb went off in my head. I love the place that reading takes me to. Whether it's fiction or non-fiction, I love all things books. I used to make myself read a book cover to cover, even if I didn't like it. Now, I know that time is too precious to waste on something that I really don't like. But, there is nothing like being transported from this world, directly into another. A world that is quiet and where I can be alone, even if it's just for 5 minutes.

So many books, so little time is my motto....

Wendy

Making connections

I could have titled this one, Psychic Pain, but went with Connections instead. This is going to be a very painful post for me to write, but I really feel that if I don't get these words out of me, they will eat me from the inside out.

Life has been very rough for me for a while. I can't even pinpoint when the downward slide began, but it's been a while. I am very depressed, and spend a lot of my energy covering that up so that people don't know, although I would guess that those who know me well, know this. I feel like that commercial for Cym*alta lately. You know the one that goes, "Depression hurts?" I could go on and on about what I think is making me depressed, but I think there are 3 things that I can put my finger on. 4 very significat trauma's that have occurred that are all colliding at once and causing me deep psychic pain.

1)My father's death. Some people would say, "Hey, it's been 30 years, let it go already", but it's just not that east. I thought my father would save me from the hell hole that I was living in at the time. Living with an abusive stepfather and an overwhelmed mother. My father's death was single handedly one of the most traumatic events in my life. He was killed in an explosion where he worked when I was 10. Even just thinking about when I was told her was dead can still bring tears to my eyes. It's not just his death that plays into my depression, but the loss of my fantasy that he would take me out of the hell hole that I lived in. He was my LAST resort. And in one fell swoop, POOF, it was gone. I think, no, I know, my ability to trust was badly damaged by this. To say that I miss him is a gross understatement. And with my grandfather's recent death, this drags it all back up again. Opening doors that I thought were shut. Letting those feeling back in and that pain back in.

2)I don't know how much I can talk about this one, but it will be something that I will be journaling about. When I was 14, I met a woman that I started babysitting for. I was just beginning to question my sexuality and was pretty sure that I was a lesbian, although I didn't have a name for it. I knew that I was attracted emotionally to woman more than me, especially woman teachers. I think there was probably some sexual attraction too. So, this woman that I met when I was 14, started what I know now to "groom" me. She paid a lot of attention to me and even though she was dating and sleeping with a man, she started to treat me differently than the other kids in her house. She was a foster mother and in addition to her one biological child, she had several foster children, some young, some teens. I always got special attention. I was attracted to her, I guess you could say I had a crush and was infatuated with her. She knew this and used this. I started to babysit for her and if she would be out late, I would spend the night. Sometimes, I would sleep on the pull out couch if she was bringing her boyfriend home, but if not, I shared her bed. At 15, she finally started to abuse me. At the time, I saw it as love and she really played that up. There is a lot more to this, such as bringing me into her relationship with this man she was involved with and "dumping me" off and on that left me with such grief, that to this day I don't know that I will ever be able to be heathy in a relationship. I feel tainted and dirty. And you can tell me that I was used and abused and that none of it was my fault and intellectually I know this, emotionally, it has left deep scars that I don't know will ever be able to heal from. It impacts who I am as a person, woman and lover to the core. There are too many "unsaids" that I don't want to make public, but this is just an overview. I was robbed of my adolesence. It dawned on me today, my oldest is 15, the same age as I was when the abuse started. It makes a lot of sense to me now, this psychic pain that I have been going through. I see so much of myself in her (my 15 year old) and I feel so strongly the need to protect her from all of the evils in the world. I know that it's true, that when your child is the age you were when you were abused, it tends to bring up all the feelings and hurts that occured when you were that age. I just never really thought about it until now. I have a lot of work to do. A lot of healing. I have been spending a lot of time trying to get out of my own skin. I can't even expain how it feels to be me right now. I feel as though I am that skinny, moody 15 year old all over again, and it hurts really badly. Sometimes it hurts to badly that I just want to leave and get away from everyone and everything. I feel as though I can't be the partner I should be and certainly not the mother my kids deserve. My brain feels so full of pain that I feel as though I am robbing everyone of myself. Including me. I walk around feeling so angry, I know it radiates off me. No wonder our house is a mess of human emotions just flying around. I certainly haven't been a good role model to either one of my children in teaching them how to manage their own emotions. Just look at their mother. This is all I can really say about this issue although the roots are deeply painful and this is just a skim off the top of what happened. This "relationship" went on for 10 years. It wasn't until my 15 year old was born that I realized that I was not going to raise her in this kind of environment. (My ex and I were exclusive for the last 6 years of our "relationship) How sad is that? I couldn't even leave a damaging relationship for myself, but I thank my lucky stars that I could for my child. To give her the chance to be raised by a parent that could model good parenting.

3)Being discrimated against. There is an issue that is going on in my church where I am being discriminated against because of my sexuality. It is draining on my soul. My church is my second home, one of the places that I feel safe and now that safety is being challenged. I have faith in God that this will work out and that the church will do what is right for them. I have been trying to pray a lot. Pray that God will give me the guidance I so deeply need right now. To do the right thing and know what the right thing is. To give me the patience I need to be a good mother and good partner and to give me the grace to be a better person overall.

4) Being disabled - This is probably the biggest current one right now. Still waiting to hear about SSD and still struggling financially. I said to Cheryl the other night that if people don't believe me, I would love for them to live in my body, just one day. To feel the pain that I feel, just for one day. To feel the humilation that I feel because I can't do the things that other people my age can do. I hate walking with a cane, but if I don't, then I run the chance of falling. I want to work. I miss it badly. Thinking about working makes me feel tired. But I feel as though I am letting my family down by not working. We have to go without so much. I know that I have written about this a million times, so I am not going to go through it again. Let's suffice it to say that it's something that I pray about every day. Asking God to please give me a body that doesn't betray me. Because this one does. For those of you who read me and deal with chronic pain, you know exactly what I mean.

If you've read this far, thank you. I feel drained now, but in a good way. I will be writing more privately about my abuse, but I hope telling as much of my story that I did will help anyone reading this that is either going through it or have been through it. Words are very powerful and used in the right way, helpful.

I really want to be happy again. I want to be pain free, both physically and psychically. I want to smile again and be a good role model to my children. I don't want them to see me fighting with my partner. I want them to see a healthy and wholesome relationship. I want to act with grace and dignity. I want to be the partner who gives something instead of always taking. I want to be the mother who can be there for her kids in all ways. I really, really just want to be a healthy and happy ME!

Wendy

Updates...and more

Sorry to keep you all hanging but I have been waiting to hear back from the MD before I wrote anything. Still haven't heard back officially, but while we were there at his office he was pretty sure that Gillian doesn't have leukemia or any other form of cancer. She still needs to go for her colonoscopy to rule out colon cancer, but I am no longer worried about this. Whew. I do have to say that there is nothing quite like walking into a Hemotology outpatient clinic. The first thing that I saw was a little bald headed boy hooked up to his medication and my heart just sank. I just started to bargain with God saying, "Please, please don't let Gillian had leukemia or cancer, or, or, or..." and when the MD said he was 99.9% certain that she didn't, I actually felt guity along with the relief. How many parents didn't get that news and walked out of there overwhelmed and devistated? We did go for more blood work and we actually sat with the MD at his microscope and looked at Gillian's blood under the scope with him. She still has a high eosinophil count, probably due to her Ulcerative Colitis and she's still anemic, but they will follow her and try and figure out the anemia and keep an eye on the eosinophil count. She has a new diagnosis to add to her list.....Eosinophilia. Just basically a high eosinophila count.

I am continuing to sew. I made a halter top to go with the skirt below, but it still needs some tweaking. I bought some elastic thread to try my hand at shirring, so I will let you all know how that works out. I do have to admit that I haven't worked on "the" Easter dress. At which point does one throw in the towel? Well, too many people have helped me gain valuable expertise on this dress, so no throwing in the towel for me! I will tackle it again tomorrow. I also started working on a mystery quilt. I only had to go out and buy 1 yard (1/2 yard of 2 different fabrics) that I didn't already have. I must be building quite a stash as they say. I bought a purse pattern to use some of the fabric that I have that I don't want to sew clothing with and want to try my hand at that.

I had another exciting thing happen tonight, but I am not ready to share yet. All I can say is that there are some exciting things in store for me apparently. Stay tuned...
Wendy

Why I haven't been online!

I have been working in this skirt!




While I love the colors, I think it's way to short. I haven't put the elastic in yet, as I am waiting for Katie to get home from school to measure her waist. I bought this pattern from
You Can Make This and the directions are excellent. The problem is that the length of the skirt comes from the top tier and I was afraid that one pattern would over power the skirt so I only cut it to what it said. I measured and remeasured, but they were accurate, so I think the next time I make this skirt, I will add 2 more tiers and get more length that way. The problem is the tiers are so tightly ruffled together that they bunch up and that takes away from the length. I think I will also add some cute ruffle accents next time too, now that I know how to put the skirt together! The bottom ruffle alone is almost 3 feet long before ruffling!

Which brings me to the magic of the ruffler foot! It's a special foot for your machine that creates ruffles and pleats so there is no more pulling strings and trying to get things just right. You can even go to the above mentioned web site and DL a free tutorial on how to use a ruffling foot. Came in very handy for me.

The other reason I haven't been online is that Gillian has been sick. She is severly anemic and had a really funky blood test result that could mean many things, one of them cancer so we are going to the hemotology dept at the local Children's Hospital today for an appointment there. If you are a praying person, please send prayers our way that this is something else and not cancer. Good thoughts, positive energy, etc would be gratefully accepted too. I am scared out of my mind!

So, how's that for an update? Sorry to keep you all hanging, but it's been a zoo and I feel like the monkey!

Now, back to the Easter Dress.....yes, you read that right. Maybe it will be ready for next Easter?

Wendy

Procrastination

I am supposed to be working on Katie's Easter dress, but instead, I am finding all sorts of things I don't really have to do and doing them anyway. I got the collar on (with a lot of help from my MIL)and I have to trim the excess away and start the sleeves. I am not looking forward too it. I know what I have to do, I just don't know if I can do it. I can't do the spacial stuff, like sewing on the right side to right side and see it come out right. I think I like quilting much more, and don't ask me why it's so much easier to do that. Maybe because I actually pick patterns that I can do instead of something that is way too hard? Well, it looked easy and pretty on the package anyway!

On a good note, I won a prize from Fabric Bliss and am really excited. You see, I have all these grand plans in mind when it comes to clothes and yes, they do come out cute when they are finished. It's just getting them finished.

So, before I go and play an online game, let me close this out, get up from the computer and go to the sewing area and get that dress done! Keep your eye out for pictures!

Wendy

The most AWESOMEST fabric on the net....

Come from Fabric Bliss ! I just got 4 more yards of some sumptous fabric and am waiting on a Euro order so that I can finish some great summer outfits for Katie. I know that some of you have asked where I find such great fabric and this is the place. I've never had an order messed up and I always love what I get. And if you are looking for the best price around, this is it.

So? What are you waiting for? Head on over and buy some fabric!

Wendy

Happy Birthday Katie!

Although Katie wasn't feeling well, we went into school just to share snack with her friends and then came home to rest. After that, we took her for a day of beauty! She has always wanted to go to L*bby Lu's and so we fulfilled her wish. She wasn't feeling the best, but had a shake at J*hnny R*ocket's and then off we went to have the makeover. Grandma S came with us and that just made it extra special. She wore the shirt that a friend of ours made for her to match a pair of pants that we already had. As you can tell from the pictures, she definately was "princess for a day"! The only thing she didn't do was go through with getting her ears pierced (which I wasn't really disappointed with truth be told). Gillian was 5 when she got hers done and we told Katie that she could have hers done too. She got another W*bkinz from Grandma and some money to buy anther one! Pretty soon we won't be able to keep up with all these critters on the puter.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY "BABY"! I love you sweetheart. I can't believe 5 years ago yesterday I was hearing your first cries and nursing you for the first time. You are growing into such a sweet little girl. You have a heart of gold and are such a good friend. You care so much about people's feelings. You love school, are already adding and subtracting and learning to read. Everyday you say or do something that just makes me shake my head in wonder at how smart and cute you are. I look forward to another year of watching you grow. I love you!

Now it's my computer

That died that is. Cheryl went out and bought me a new one, so I am in business again. But, with the dead computer went all my favorites which I am trying to restore, so if you would be so kind as to send me your blog links so I can add them to my favorites, I would greatly appreciate it. Please send them along to wendy6gill@aol.com I am going to try and see if I can get anything off the other computer before we have someone look at it and try and restore it. I can't seem to keep a computer for more than 2 years before they bite the dust.

Anyway, I don't have much energy to blog about anything else. I am still grieving pretty hard and don't have much to say right now.

I will be looking for your blog address's though....please do send them along as I am missing my friends and really want to check in with you all! Thanks

Wendy

In Loving Memory

Of my Beloved Grandfather



Raymond R. Walters Sr.
February 13, 2008 Raymond R. Walters Sr., 83, of Baldwinsville, passed away Wednesday, February 13, 2008. Born in Syracuse, he worked as a supervisor for the Syracuse Housing Authority for many years. He was a member of the Elmwood Fish & Game Club. He en-joyed his summers fishing at his camp in Canada and his winters at his home in Steinhatchee, FL. He was a staff sergeant for the Army Air Corps during WWII and also served in the Air National Guard, Syracuse. Survivors include his wife, Thelma M. Walters of 61 years; two daughters, Patricia A. Walters, Sharon J. Walters; one son, Raymond R. (Nancy) Walters Jr.; two sisters, Virginia Hobson, Betty (Dick) Bassett; two brothers, Ronald, Robert (Lottie); 11 grandchildren; 16 great-grandchildren; and several nieces and nephews. Calling hours will be Sunday, February 17 from 2 to 4 p.m. at the Butler-Badman Funeral Home, Inc., 4504 W. Seneca Turnpike (Rt. 175), Syracuse. The funeral will be Monday, February 18 at 10 a.m. at the funeral home. Burial will follow at White Chapel Cemetery, DeWitt. Butler-Badman Funeral Home, Inc. ONONDAGA HILL


I couldn't even write this yesterday. Even something so expected is incredibly hard. I go from being numb, to sad, to numb again. I know that I have mentioned more than once that my grandfather was like a father to me. My father died when I was 10 and my grandfather has always been there for me. I miss him so much. My heart aches with how much I miss him already.

On Friday he was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia and it was grave. I was traveling to a children's museum with Cheryl and Katie, Gillian had just left to go out of town. When we got back, I raced up to the hospital only to find him sitting up eating! I breathed a huge sigh of relief when my cousin John said that he'd probably be released in a couple of days. But his poor body and lungs just couldn't take it anymore. He'd had a rough night Monday night and by Tuesday couldn't come off the CPAP machine. Discussions with my Uncle, Grandmother, my mother and Aunt has already been had about no DNR and no mask. On Tuesday around 3PM my sister called me to tell me that my mother was getting picked up to go up to the hospital to say her goodbyes. Not long after, my mother called me saying that Grandpa wanted us all up there. I went up there and got to say goodbye. I thanked him for everything he'd done for me and told him that I was so thankful to have such a wonderful grandfather. He said "I tried" and then told me that he was proud of me and who I had become" He told me to tell Cheryl, Gillian and Katie Jo that he loved them.

The hospital was wonderful. They brought us food and took such good care of him. They were compassionate and caring. After everyone got to the hospital and said their goodbye's, respitory therapy came in and took off the mask, much to his relief. They already had him on a morphone drip and he was comfortable. They changed him over to a regular mask just giving him oxygen and made him comfortable. Little by little everyone said goodbye and went home. I think for me that was the most painful part. Knowing it was the final goodbye. I cried as I went to pick Gillian up and when I got home, went to bed, waiting for the phone call. That phone call came at 6:45am. He died at 6:15AM with my Uncle and Grandmother by his side. He passed peacefully. Right now, I have so much pain inside, but as the days go on, I will be blogging about the wonderful stories I have about my grandfather. It's just too painful to do right now. Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers. Especially my Grandmother who just lost her husband of 61 years and my Mother, Uncle and Aunt who lost their father and of course the rest of us grandchildren and great grandchildren who just lost one of the most precious people in our lives.

Wendy